The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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