just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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