My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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