Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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