its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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