my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
