Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
