Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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