my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Text me some of your sweat
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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