Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
