I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As shirtless as possible
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
