I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
