I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
