It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
