Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
