Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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