i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want nice things and good sex
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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