...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
