He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
