I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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