quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
