dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
