"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
