well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
