Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
