oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just had sex on a roof
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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