first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Four minutes until I can fart!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
