I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
