are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
