I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
