Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
