Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
