I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize