Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize