if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
