true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
