white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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