they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize