We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
