I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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