Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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