It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
