All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
