the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
