His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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