we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
