so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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