White coat. Heels.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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