I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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