Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
