So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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