I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
