They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
