im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
