and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize