i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
