so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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