Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
