Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize