i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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