I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
