You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
