Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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