you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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