whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
