A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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