We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
