How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
