Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
