ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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