On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
