I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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