I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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