His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize