Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
