I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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