I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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