I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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