Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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