I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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