i can't believe i had my finger in that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize