It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
