I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
