ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
