i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
