alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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