More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize