FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
