i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how drunk are you?
Several
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
