please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize