this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
