Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
