Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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