No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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