this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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