Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
