he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
