she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
