Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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