So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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