hotel room ftw
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
