i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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