she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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