Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
